As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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