There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just google imaged poop.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
