I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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