Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
