i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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