What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
