Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
