i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
