yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
