Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
