I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
