Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
