someone threw a dead crab at me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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