if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
