Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Randomize
