Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
