my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
