the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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