i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she looked like the before picture.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
