the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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