it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
