when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
