so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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