when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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