Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
