The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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