would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think i have two assholes
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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