I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
