A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
