She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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