My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
