You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
