I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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