rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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