He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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