3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
