She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he thought i was a dude.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
