I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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