I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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