I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
