i need an iv and a liver transplant
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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