You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
