I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
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I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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