Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
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We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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