I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
