I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
