I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's blow job season.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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