oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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