Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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