At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
