I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
