he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize