Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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