this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
