We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
