No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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