Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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