were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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