I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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