my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
