took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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