My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Drunk is not a location!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
