You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
