I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
