I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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