hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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