I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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