went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
