there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
