be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
