my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My pussy is not your playground.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think your dad took our porno
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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