oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
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It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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