i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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