there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
