i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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