He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
