You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
