I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
