i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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