kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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