she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
