I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
