I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
