I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The Olympian is in my bed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
