Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My feet surprised me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
