no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
