I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
