My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
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Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that