Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's great music for shaving your balls
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.