I accidentally burped into my bong.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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